Big community funding update! September 3, I have some experience of drugs, but am now firmly anti-drugs because Dating someone who does drugs the health risks etc. The issue is, we keep having quite bitter arguments about drugs - where i'm arguing its too risky and that there arent enough advantages to recreational drug use, and he argues that they are used for temporarily removing the ego and personal growth and development, which cannot be attained or not as easily attained without tripping or getting high.
His friends have also preached to me about the same things, and Dating someone who does drugs the fact that i feel like they are being the immature ones I'm hoping this is something we can eventually both be mature about and just accept each others opinion. Is Dating someone who does drugs something i am obviously not understanding about drugs?
This is now involving his friends, what can i do? Are they arguing with you because they want you tot take them too, or because you want them or him to stop taking them? Those are pretty different conflicts, in some ways, but the short answer is you can't change people, and if one of you feels like you need to change the other to be happy, the relationship ain't gonna work.
What drugs are they taking? You are probably fundamentally incompatible, or at least in very different life stages. There's critical information missing here, though -- is this an LSD trip every two months? How have you ended up having these discussions with his friends? The issue is, we keep having quite bitter arguments about drugs It takes two people to argue, and two people to politely disagree.
You're half responsible for either outcome. Try to keep his friends separate from him in your own mind, and don't treat them the same Dating someone who does drugs during "bitter arguments. If it's not true, your relationship probably needs structural changes that don't have anything to do with this particular topic. You don't need that noise. If you're not into drugs, hang out with people who aren't. Is there something i am obviously not understanding about drugs?.
The fact that you aren't Dating someone who does drugs specific than "drugs," makes it sounds like there is, as though you think all mind-altering substances and all ways of using them are equivalent. Anyone who is making blanket statements about "recreational drug taking" is very naive on the subject.
If you provide some specifics you can get some actual info. I'd be more concerned that this is his big argument for it. It would have more integrity, to my mind, to just say, I like getting high. It doesn't hurt anyone.
But the number of Dating someone who does drugs who've achieved staggering personal growth without drugs is overwhelming even to consider.
On top of that, no Dating someone who does drugs should be anything other than respectful about your distaste for using drugs, and from the other standpoint, it's not your problem or business if his friends do. As far as your boyfriend, though is concerned, he should especially a treat your decision with respect and b develop some compromises about the timing of it maybe he can go out on his own and go nuts on Fridays and you can go hang out with your friends or something.
Personally, for me, my biggest problem would be that logic up top. In an ideal world, i would prefer he didn't take them. I'm not sure why they have started arguing with me, i doubt theyre trying to make me take them too, perhaps only for the reason that i dont agree with them?
Even if it's marijuana, stay far far away.
When my father tried to smoke pot when he was young, it gave him a panic attack. Are the people who claim to care about you saying that you should endanger your health, just because it works for them?
Drugs affects everyone differently; they're being snobby at best, homicidal at worst, if they're pressuring you to do drugs.
This Carolyn Hax column discusses the issue in a very thoughtful way, I think. If the way you and them "have fun" on such a basic level is just too different, then the relationship may not progress very much further. You don't like what he's doing, and he insists on doing it.
One of you wants the other to change in a way that you each don't wish to change. And if one Dating someone who does drugs you caves to the other's wishes just to save the relationship, there's going to be resentment later on.
I have been there. Of course, you can try to become more educated on whatever drugs they're taking to make sure your opinion is well-formed, but the bottom line is you're having "bitter disagreements" about something important to both of you. That's going to be a sore point until the end. You still haven't provided examples of the drugs they take. This is important because there are serious differences between the effects and dangers of different drugs.
If your arguments don't take that into account, you may well come off as Dating someone who does drugs prudish and conservative for arguing against drug use as opposed to simply saying they aren't your thing, which is always ok.
Regardless, this sounds like it's turning a major compatibility issue. You should either decide to disagree, change, or decide to get out of the relationship. I'll take flak for saying it But drugs aren't normal, they're not necessary, they're not "a part of who" anyone is. Unlike disabilities, people choose to abuse substances that alter their state of mind.
Why they do it is up to themthey don't like who they are, they don't like their current status, they use it to cope, whatever it is. Doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad person, but it means that they've chosen a way to live their life. You have chosen another way to live your life. If this person is a regular user of anything to the extent that it causes arguments in your relationship, it means you will always suck hind tit to the substances he's abusing.
It means your feelings, your needs, your everything will come second to his desire to get high, tune out, whatever he takes and for whatever reasons he takes them. In short, fuck him. Seriously, he's already made his choice, and it ain't you.
Well, everything said about the types of drugs and the frequency taken is certainly important.
There's a huge difference between smoking some pot or eating mushrooms every now Dating someone who does drugs again and being a coke head or a heroin addict.
But all of that is completely beside the point, as has been said already. You don't like what he's doing, and he and his friends are being pricks about it. The only reason to press you further on this issue, and treat you like an immature, brain-washed, closed-minded person would be to persuade you to use drugs with them.
To be honest, I Dating someone who does drugs think it's a good sign for a relationship when one person has a habit the other takes serious issue with this isn't on par with leaving his socks on the floor, this is like a dedicated non-smoker dating a smoker.
But, if you think you can live with the arrangement for now, the bigger issue is that he and his friends are not accepting your stated preferences regarding your own behavior and health. If you are going to meet half way on this and have a relationship where you decide to respect each other's decisions, it's going to be complicated, and you should avoid fighting this fight with other people.
Yes, it is ideal that you be friends with his friends if your relationship should continue, but on this particular issue, you need to come to this agreement to disagree as a couple, not as a you versus them. If they are bringing it up, don't discuss it with them.